A Different Christmas

I have been used to spending Christmas with enough money to buy presents for my family, relatives, friends and godchildren. I always start making my list early and by the time December comes, I am almost done shopping for those in my loooooong list. And I happily wrap each one of them. (my favorite part!)

I try to give something useful. If possible, I wanted my gifts with a personal touch. 

But today, Christmas is a bit different.  

I didn't have enough budget for my gifts.

I lack the time to buy them.

I feel a little bit incomplete. It really does happen when what you are used to doing, is suddenly stopped or changed.

But what does Christmas really mean? 

Will it be complete when you are able to give presents in your list of important people in your life?

Will it be complete when you are able to attend all the parties lined up before Christmas eve?

Will it be complete when you are able to greet everybody on your Facebook/Twitter accounts?

Will it be complete when you are able to attend all of the days for Simbang Gabi and all other days of obligation for the Advent/Christmas season?

Will it be complete when you are able to give yourself a Christmas gift?

This year, I'm going back to the heart of Christmas. ( got the line from a song).

Jesus Christ.

I wanted this season to be all about Him.

And through Him - I wish for peace of mind, forgiveness and restoration.

Today was the last day of the Feast for this year. And because of the talk given, it pushed me to write what I realized. (what a long introduction, huh?)

This year, Christmas is different because I was stripped off all the material things I wanted.

This year, Christmas is different because I rediscovered Jesus.

And as I look back, I am overwhelmed by HIS presence! Indeed, I have a BIG GOD!

And I've got nothing but thanksgiving for HIM.

2010 started with seemingly insurmountable storms.

My three-year relationship ended.

I resigned from my four-year work.

I got my savings depleted.

And yeah, some might have had bigger problems than those, but they really shook me. 

Suddenly,I felt uncertain. I was so lost and desperate. I felt alone. (haha! that sound so low!)

I never thought I would, but I hit rock bottom.

I struggled for a few months, hoping for the gloomy days to be over. 

And just as I was about to give up, the grace of God came pouring down.

He might have been knocking at my heart all along, but I was too busy nursing my broken heart and pride. 

And so today, I want to thank HIM for all that He has done for me - especially for this year.

He gave so much, I coudn't ask for more. He re-opened my eyes. Amidst the chaos in my heart, He slowly brought healing and comfort. And even if I started with a stormy year, I am ending it with a bang!

And so, this Christmas, I want to thank HIS instruments,

my family, who have silently shared my pains and tried hard to cheer me up,

Sharie (and Victor), truly, friendship knows no boundaries! I can't thank you enough for putting up with me,

my ever loyal gimikeros friends - i always knew you'd all be there,

my high school girl friends - thanks for lending your ears,

Jira, Chelle, Keicie, Zam, Mai, Melissa, Arcie, Donna, Cyrus & Germaine, Roben, I appreciate you all so much, true friends indeed!

Pao, thank you for the memories and the lessons,

my LOJ Family, for the spiritual nourishment, I won't be feeling better if not for the powerful talks and soulful worship songs

my (upper) CG, especially to Bro Aris & Sis Leen, the sharings made me realize a lot, 

my new CG group, T.G.I.W!, thanks for all the sharings, you all are blessings to me,

my new officemates, God answered my prayers through you.

to my many other friends, thank you :D

This Christmas, I may not have the means to give something of worth but know that I love you with the love of the Lord, and I thank God for letting me have precious relationships with you all.

This might be too cheezy already, but as I've said, I just want to thank the Lord for all He has done - and you're part of it. 

I pray that God will continuously shower you all with abundant blessings in all areas of your life! 

5 days more...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! :D

no left turn!

Last Monday, I dropped off a friend at SM Makati. Not wanting to be caught at the No Loading/Unloading zone along EDSA, I turned right before Dusit. Then I turned left at the first intersection, turned left again at Pasay road.and then viola! a Makati traffic enforcer waved at me signaling me to stop.

I stopped puzzled and asked the traffic enforcer what my violation was. He said I violated traffic signs. "Huh? where? when?" I questioned. He explained that there are "No Left Turn" signs both sides of the street where I came from. I argued in disbelief! We always passed that way before and this was the first time I got caught. I didn't see any sign! How big are they? Are they even visible? Two signs posted at each side and I didn't even notice one? Huff.

To cut the story short, I gave up my license even if the police was giving signs that it's ok to pay there ( read: pang-merienda!) to avoid the hassle of getting my license at their office the following day. I was so irritated that I resisted the temptation of giving them what they want. Besides, I don't have barya. (lol!)

I just attended a recollection that day, so on my way back home, I pondered on what happened.I just heard from a speaker that there she went through the hassle of getting another driver license because she misplaced her old one. When she got back, her household helper found the missing card. So she got two already. She explained that there is a reason why it happened to her. And she found out that she just needs to pray for the people working at LTO who might be suffering from something. Maybe it is the same for me, maybe there is a reason or a lot of reasons why this happened.

So here are my thoughts on what happened:

a.) I easily get irritated. I still fail to clear my mind and think of the best possible solution whenever I'm caught unprepared for situations like this.

b.) It's so hard to be a Christian! (haha! agree?) I easily forgot calling unto Him whenever I've got mini issues.I really need to work on this.

c.) Everything changes! (as if this is the first time I've realized that!) Haha. In a wider perspective, not everything we think is true will always be true. Sometimes, there are circumstances that force the current situation to change. And of course, they come with reasons - either positive or negative. And we just have to deal with it. (There are always exceptions though - sometimes there are things you can influence to change. You just need to distinguish which is which.)

d.) Always be observant. See, feel, hear the changes around you so you can act accordingly. We tend to neglect things that are familiar to us already.

Hmm.. the end.

P.S. I got my license back! Yey!

giving

i am struck by 2 things i've heard in the feast today:

1.) success due to grief (one source of pain)
2.) real giving is experienced when you give until it hurts

Grief, as mentioned in the talk, can be synonymous to fuel. This can either be ignited and explode or it can be harnessed to fuel a rocket! Grief, when channeled in a proper direction can really be a source of success. Grief would make you want to elevate yourself, to leave the awful situation you are in now. It can be transformed into an intense desire to change - to become better.  


My world came tumbling down a few months ago. I felt I lost everything... and I literally did ( or so I thought). I was in a state where I didn't know what to do, where to go and I felt like giving up so many times. I was surrounded by a whole lot of people and yet I felt alone. I've shielded myself from prying eyes. A lot of times, I went over and over what happened, and I had so many questions. I tried to logically find reasons and yet, all my efforts were futile. 


But then just when I hit rock bottom, God's grace rescued me. I may not have understood completely what His answers were to my queries but He sure did assure me He was there and always is. 


I know I have a lot to overcome and the intense desire to change isn't as intense as it should be yet. But I am crawling my way up and is praying I'd learn to walk and soon run fast to reach the top. I just am happy to see myself a lot better than I was a few months ago - something I never expected.


Real giving is giving until it hurts. Ouch! I might have been stingy for the last few years. Yay! I am guilty for not giving God what is due Him. I have been an unfaithful servant. But now, I aim to redeem myself and let God rule my world. Now, I resolve to do everything for His Glory!

And as I end, allow me to share with you a song that pierces through my heart everytime I hear it.


...God never let me go and I will hold on tightly to Him from now on...

high time

It's about time!
I'm stretching my horizon. I'm rediscovering myself.



I've paused for quite a while and it maybe is high time to move forward once again. =)


I treasure my past. I look forward to my future. I'll enjoy my present.
And enjoying the present means 
...looking at things in the past in a different,positive perspective
...exploring nature
...plunging into adventure (with care..hihi)
...grabbing the chance to correct the wrongs
...learning new things
...mastering different crafts
...nurturing relationships
...being grateful for each day


The journey has now resumed. 


Aja! aja!